sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
