her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
