so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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