dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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