I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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