I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
