Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
