hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
BRING THE BAGELS
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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