Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
