so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
