If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
