I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
