You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The Olympian is in my bed
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
