Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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