when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
