I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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