I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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