I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
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