Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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