She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
