she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
