Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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