I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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