Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
