dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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