so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I understand Curling. That high.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
