She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
