i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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