Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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