Fuck appropriateness.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
