My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
