3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
