I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I forgot wine drunk hurts
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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