i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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