I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
