Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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