Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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