Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
