I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
In America we eat man semen.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
