If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
