actually, I'm a sock model
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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