I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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