Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
