then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I cut my penus on the lid.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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