Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I was not drunk enough for that final.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
