I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My penis needs a shock collar
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
