never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
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