We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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