dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
