It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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