1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
