Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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