I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Green mimosas i think yes
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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