i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
