So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
