On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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