Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
