I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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