So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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