just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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