ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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