a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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