You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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