I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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