My hair reeks of homosexuality.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
