He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
