meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
