____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
