Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
