My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize