We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
