My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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