white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
