end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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