Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
