Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
