just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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