I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Randomize
