Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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