I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
they need to just BURY HIM!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
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you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
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Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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