I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
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