He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
