I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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