He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I supernannyed him into submission
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
