I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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