he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
